４．甘えと相互の心の読みあい mutual mind reading
4. Amaé and mutual mind-reading
ここで甘えの問題を少し論じることにしよう。上に示したような相互の心の読みあいは、実は甘えの根本に根差していると言えるのだ。すでによく知られているように、土居は「甘えの構造」の中で、甘えが特殊な形での依存であり、西洋の言語にはそれに相当するものがないこと、それは甘える側が受身的な姿勢を保ちながら相手をコントロールするという事実について論じた。そこで大事なのは、子供が甘えるとき、親も実は身代わり的に甘えを体験しているということである。
Let us briefly discuss the issue of amaé
in this context. I would propose that the mutual mind-reading is actually the
foundation of amaé-based relationship. As is well known, in his “Anatomy of
dependence,” Doi stated that amaé is a special kind of dependence which
equivalent term is not found in the Western society. He discussed a fact that
the child with his/her amaé need controls the mother, while still keeping a
passive stance. What is important is that the mother also fulfills her own amaé
needs in a vicarious way.
甘えは相手からの愛を引き出すが、そこには相手の側の甘えニーズに訴えかけるからだ。土居はこれをフェレンチやバリントが述べた「受身的対象愛passive object love」に近いものとして論じたのである。この受身的対象愛と対象愛の違いを理解することは重要である。対象愛とは、積極的に対象を愛することである。しかし受身的対象愛とは、相手に愛されようとすることであり、愛されるという受身的な体験を能動的に求めるという逆説的な行動である。
Amaé invites love and affection from
the other person, as it appeals to the amaé need of the other. Doi approximated
this process to the notion of “passive object love” proposed by Ferenczi and
Balint. In object love, a person loves another person spontaneously. However, “passive
object love” connotes a paradoxical act of spontaneously seeking the experience
of being loved passively.
そしてフェレンチやバリントがこれを、自らが身を置く西欧の文化における母子関係を想定しながら論じていたことからもわかるとおり、甘えに基づく関係性は、実は万国共通なものであるはずだ。そしてそれは少し考えれば当然なことである。赤ん坊は自らの欲求を伝えられない。最初はその存在すら了解していないだろう。赤ん坊が空腹で泣くとき、母親は赤ん坊がおっぱいを欲しがっているのだと想像して赤ん坊に差し出す。満腹になった赤ん坊が母親に微笑みかけるとき、母親は微笑みかけてほしい、愛されたいという子供の願望を想像する。それもまた母親の側の mind reading であるとするならば、それが存在しない母子関係はいかに寂しいものだろう。母親からの mind reading は、子供の発達の初期段階では、こうして健全な形で存在していたことになる。
As Ferenczi and Balint considered this type of love as the basis of mother-child relationship in the Western society where they live, amaé based relationship can be universal across cultures. It doesn’t take long to realize that. A baby at initially cannot convey his needs to the mother well. He might be totally clueless as to what he really wants. When he cries due to a hunger, the mother read the baby’s mind and assumes that he is hungry, and she nurses him. When the baby fulfills his appetite and smiles at his mother, she imagines her baby’s need to be smiled back and be cuddled. If that type of mind-reading from the part of mother is absent, how cruel and barren that mother-child relationship could become!!! Mother's mind-reading for the baby (and perhaps child’s mind-reading for the mother to some extent), thus exist in a healthy way in early mother-child relationship.
As Ferenczi and Balint considered this type of love as the basis of mother-child relationship in the Western society where they live, amaé based relationship can be universal across cultures. It doesn’t take long to realize that. A baby at initially cannot convey his needs to the mother well. He might be totally clueless as to what he really wants. When he cries due to a hunger, the mother read the baby’s mind and assumes that he is hungry, and she nurses him. When the baby fulfills his appetite and smiles at his mother, she imagines her baby’s need to be smiled back and be cuddled. If that type of mind-reading from the part of mother is absent, how cruel and barren that mother-child relationship could become!!! Mother's mind-reading for the baby (and perhaps child’s mind-reading for the mother to some extent), thus exist in a healthy way in early mother-child relationship.
