突然だが、
Amae and dependency needs
Amae and dependency needs
The point that
I want to make is that amae is related to the deep-seated wish that every one of
us have, which is to be “genuinely” loved; love and accepted unconditionally by others. In amae
relationship, the person with amae needs expects another to understand that needs
and gratify it. This relationship is mutual; the person gratifying amae needs
is experiencing his/her amae needs being met vicariously, by identifying him/self with
the person with amae needs. You might find the primordial amae needs in the person’s
infancy, where his /her amae needs should have been gratified in the
relationship with his/her mother. As Winnicott stated, in primary maternal preoccupation,
the mother instantly understands the child’s dependency needs and gratifies it. By
experiencing it repeatedly, a person became confident about him/herself, with a sense that
he/she is worthy of living in this world. In other words, a person with
excessive amae needs might not have sufficient maternal care in his/her chidlhood.
I would
describe this amae needs “actively passive one” and I will give as an example,
Botchan’s relationship with Kiyo, his nanny. Botchan borrows money from her,
but he would not say thank you, or even he would not return it. He thinks that
it would do disservice to Kiyo, because it would mean that Bothcan does not
trust Kiyo for her unconditional love, or wish to have amae relationship with
him.
