I will talk
briefly about an episode that I went through quite a long time ago, which I
believe could have been one of the determining events for me to pivot toward
relational thinking.
Many
years ago when I was a third year resident of psychiatry at Menninger, I was
assigned a 7 year old boy, ‘Mike’ (a pseudonym) as a patient for psychotherapy.
The third year residents were required to have a child case or tow as a part of
the training program and I saw him in this context. Mike was reportedly seriously
abused by his mother. This 7 year old boy said “my mother sexually abused me.” It
was amazing for me that a boy as young as 7 used that term very naturally, in a
matter-of-fact fashion, without any marked emotion, but as I remember this might
have been the way Mike was told to describe his situation by his father or one
of his temporary caregivers in the welfare system. Anyway his mother lost
custody of him and left home, and Mike was left with his father. Unfortunately
his father has a serious alcohol problem and his job situation was very shaky. Mike
was obliged to be admitted to the state hospital instead of some foster care as
he was demonstrated behavior problems at school as well. Like many children in
the child unit at the state hospital, he carried a double diagnosis of ADHD and
oppositional defiant personality disorder.
Mike
was an attractive but sad looking boy, that I saw for an hour a week. This was
during the time that I was assigned to the state hospital where he was admitted
there. Once a week I visited him at the child unit and we went to my office. On
our way he often said “I race you” and dashed and I tried to catch up with him,
but often in vain as he was very agile and full of energy when he saw me. Mike certainly
has a problem developing trust, but our relationship was generally going well.
I was a kind of an outcast, being a non-white foreign medical graduate, and so
was he, being estranged from his family.
