What Freud
referred to as the “foretaste of mourning” is something that we keep avoiding
all the time. As Freud later abandoned the idea of thorough mourning, we can
only temporarily or transiently accept the fact that we might eventually lose
what we currently possess, including our own life. It might also be true that for
most of us only by pushing aside these unacceptable thoughts, or putting it in
our pre-conscious, can live our daily life smoothly and safely. If there is any
place where we are reminded of them, it should be in the analytic space, where
our defense is to be under scrutiny for the purpose of better knowing about
ourselves. Of course what becomes off guard should be guarded again and the fluctuating
nature of going back and forth characterizes our life.
Within this
context, I have been having a difficulty working with patients who have
persistent suicidal ideations. Although I do not feel comfortable giving them
any impression that I am actively encouraging them to pursue their idea, it
often happens that if I avoid discussing the matter in a straightforward way,
they feel it and they no longer want to discuss the matter. Some of these
patients changed their therapist each time they feel that their therapist is
avoiding the discussion.
